The age of intentional drinking: why we’ve evolved from being intent on drinking to drinking with intent
How your evolving brain, identity and priorities shape your new relationship with drinking, and why it’s a good thing
When I turned 40, I threw a hog roast for 100 people. The garden heaved with laughter, chaos, and celebration. Cases of crowd-pleasing wine disappeared into the night. Big flavours, easy drinking. Designed for volume, not quiet contemplation.
For my 50th, we were 30 souls around one long table under gazebos. A whole lamb cooked over fire, salmon cooked with hot stones buried in the ground. Each bottle of wine had been chosen for its story. We didn’t just drink them. We shared them. Discussed them. Created new memories through them.
Both parties were perfect. For who I was at the time.
Something fundamental had shifted between those two celebrations, and it wasn’t just down to pandemic lockdown restrictions.
The evolution nobody talks about
If you’re in your 30s, 40s, or 50s and find yourself questioning your drinking habits but don’t want to quit entirely, you’re not alone.
Yet so many of us resist it, fearing we’re fading, when in fact we’re finally aligning. Drinking habits are changing across the board – post-pandemic, post-hustle culture, and post-proving oneself. What we used to chase doesn’t always feel worth pursuing anymore.
We’re becoming what I think of as Inbetweener Drinkers™ – reclaiming our identity from wellness and sobriety groups who’ve labelled us “grey area drinkers.” We’re not in some problematic middle ground that needs fixing. We’re exactly where most people naturally belong: neither abstinent nor excessive, just somewhere sensible in the middle.
Even the wine industry has evolved from chasing Parker points to chasing balance and story. The most sought-after wines today tell stories rather than assault taste buds. So have we.
This isn’t about judging how anyone else drinks – it’s about noticing what’s true for you.
Your brain already knows
This shift isn’t just psychological – it’s biological. Research shows that dopamine receptor density naturally declines after the age of 35, meaning we require less external stimulation to feel satisfied. What fired up our reward systems at 25 doesn’t work the same way at 45. (Volkow et al., 1996; Reeves et al., 2012)
The neuroplasticity advantage
But here’s what’s remarkable: your brain doesn’t just lose receptors, it gains something more valuable. Neuroplasticity research reveals that mature brains become more adept at forming new neural pathways associated with reward and satisfaction. You’re literally rewiring toward more sophisticated pleasure-seeking.
Instead of needing three pints to feel social, you find genuine satisfaction in one perfectly crafted cocktail. Rather than drinking through a Netflix binge, you savour a single glass while reading something that actually interests you. The quality of attention improves along with the quality of choice.
Think about it. Remember those adrenaline-fuelled holidays? All-night parties? Now think about what genuinely excites you today. Is it really another 2 am finish? Or is it waking up clear-headed for a sunrise walk?
The wisdom emerging
Your brain has already evolved. For some people, their drinking habits just haven’t caught up yet.
Maybe you’re just starting to notice. That final top-up no longer seems necessary. The third day in a row feels heavier. The mornings matter more. This isn’t willpower – it’s wisdom emerging.
Three signs you’re ready for intentional drinking
1. The diminishing returns are obvious: That third glass doesn’t enhance the evening – it dulls it. You find yourself topping up out of habit rather than desire. You’re noticing the difference between enhancement and numbing.
2. Your priorities have quietly shifted: Recovery time matters more than party time. You catch yourself calculating: “If I drink tonight, tomorrow will be harder.” You’re building something that requires consistent energy, not sporadic intensity.
3. You’re tired of the internal negotiation: The mental bandwidth spent on “should I, shouldn’t I” could be better used elsewhere. You want decisions that feel automatic, not exhausting. You’re done with Monday morning regret cycles.
If any of these resonate, you’re not losing your edge – you’re finding your authentic rhythm.
The shift may be natural, but the transition rarely occurs on its own. Your brain creates the readiness, but you still need the right strategies to make it stick.
[Take our free quiz to discover your drinking type →]
The identity crisis that isn’t
“But drinking has always been part of my identity,” clients tell me.
I get it. I was the wine guy. The one with the cellar. The last one standing at every gathering.
But you’re not losing your identity. You’re refining it. The party legend becomes the one who creates memorable experiences without casualties. The wine expert shifts from proving knowledge through consumption to demonstrating mastery through selection.
Our clients come from all walks of life, but none of them has turned into a wallflower as a result of cutting back. In fact, quite the opposite.
What often triggers this identity shift in the first place? Life transitions that demand more from us.
The parenthood and career catalyst
Often, it’s parenthood that accelerates this shift. That hangover isn’t just your problem anymore. It affects school runs, patience levels, and presence.
But it’s not just parents. It’s anyone who’s moved from living for tonight to building for tomorrow. Once we were job-hopping to climb rapidly. Now we seek deeper impact, meaningful legacy. Our consumption patterns naturally follow.
The long game
The 35-year-old who insists on drinking like they’re 25 often can’t drink at all by 55. But the one who evolves with their life? They’re still enjoying beautiful wine at 75.
It’s the difference between a firework and a lighthouse. One burns bright and dies. The other guides ships home for generations.
From bottle-a-night to intentional ritual
Mark, 42, started one of our courses when drinking a bottle of wine most nights and feeling trapped. Three months later, he describes his Friday evening glass of Burgundy as “a conversation with an old friend rather than a negotiation with a drug dealer.” He drinks less but enjoys it infinitely more.
Sarah, 38, a marketing director and single mum, put it differently: “I used to need wine to switch off from work mode. Now I use it to switch on to evening mode – there’s a difference. One glass with dinner feels like a full stop to the day, not an escape from it.”
And here’s something that surprises many clients: buying better quality when drinking with intent often comes with a significant bonus. One client went from a bottle of wine nightly to 1.5 bottles per week. She’s saving over £200 monthly as well as better sleep, mood, skin, and energy.
Drinking with intent
Intentional drinking isn’t just about drinking less. It’s about drinking better – with presence, with purpose, and with full awareness of what that drink is doing for you, not to you.
“Intent on” drinking sounds like escape. “With intent” sounds like connection. Same word. Transformed relationship.
Back to my birthday stories. It’s only now that I appreciate the nuance. We were intent on drinking on my 40th and drinking with intent on my 50th. Most of the guests at the 50th had been there 10 years earlier. Just that we’d all evolved.
The autopilot test
But we’re not just talking about milestone birthdays. In everyday reality, how and why we drink have significant implications within the intent debate.
Imagine it’s been a tough few days and on Wednesday you decide you really need that hug in a glass. Except it’s not a glass, it’s 3. That hug? More like a straightjacket.
Now imagine it’s the weekend. Friends are coming over, everyone bringing small plates and some of their favourite drinks to share. Conversation, laughter, appreciation, and memory-making moments.
That’s the everyday difference between intent on drinking (self-medication) and drinking with intent (moments of genuine conviviality).
That’s not to say enjoying something as a treat on your own is wrong, far from it. What we’re talking about is autopilot reflex – reaching for the bottle when you’re actually thirsty, bored, or trying to avoid a difficult conversation. When a walk, a call, or even just noticing the craving could serve you better.
Let nature take its course
Fighting evolution is like swimming against a current. Exhausting and futile.
The real shadow isn’t drinking less. It’s pretending you haven’t changed. The exhausted parent pretending they can still do all-nighters. The 50-year-old competing with their 30-year-old ghost.
This is where tools like our coaching framework become essential – not to start over, but to recalibrate as you grow. Notice patterns. Adjust strategies. Verify what’s working. That’s how progress sticks.
Your evolution, your timeline
Balance through intentional drinking isn’t about adhering to rules or achieving some ideal state. It’s about alignment.
We’re evolving into what I call’ In-Betweener Drinkers. ‘ Not teetotal, not excessive. Just intentional. In between the extremes, where most of life actually happens. Where you can enjoy what you drink without it controlling you. Where intentional choices aren’t a struggle but a natural state.
The people who matter won’t mourn the old you. They’ll celebrate who you’re becoming because they’re evolving too.
Ready to stop fighting evolution?
If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. Thousands of professionals, parents, and wine lovers are making this shift, many with guides you through the exact framework that has helped clients transform their relationship with wine. No willpower is required, and you won’t have to give up what you love.
The first step is understanding where you are now. Take our free “Which type of drinker are you?” quiz – it takes 5 minutes and gives you 3 personalised strategies to try straight away based on your profile.
[Take the Free 5-Minute Quiz → https://bit.ly/arc-quiz
Something about the phrase Inbetweener Drinkers™ seems to have struck a chord. Enough that we decided to trademark it and build a space for people who still enjoy what they drink, but want it to feel more intentional.
It’s early days, a simple website went live yesterday, and a podcast and Patreon are on the way. Click here if you want to find out more. If you’d like to get involved or just stay in the loop, please send me a message.
Note: If alcohol feels like a necessity rather than a choice, please reach out to a healthcare professional for support.